I was just looking at my mom's blog and noticed that she had a draft of this message on 31 Dec 2010, but never posted. I think it is worth posting:
"Well, this year is finally over. I do believe this past year was the worst and the best year of my life."
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
22 May 2011. 3:20 a.m.
My mom passed away on 22 May 2011 at 320 in the morning.
Last Saturday, she potentially had a stroke. I spoke to her briefly on the telephone on Sunday. She said she didn't have a good night and she told me that she had to get off the phone. That was the last time I spoke to her. I arrived at 930 pm on the 22nd. Tina, Bill, Luanna, and my grandmother were there.
She was just a skeleton of her former self. Her cheeks were sunken. Her eyes were closed and she was making a rattly breathing sound. It was horrible. I spent some time with her and talked to her. There was no indication she could hear me, but I wanted to just talk. The kids told her they love her over the phone. Her breathing got slower over the next few hours. It got more rattly. We tried to help her be comfortable by shifting her around and she yelled out a few times. Then, the pauses between her breathing got very long. She opened her eyes. I got close to her and told her I love her. A tear rolled from her eye. She stopped breathing.
Good bye mom. You are loved and we miss you already.
Last Saturday, she potentially had a stroke. I spoke to her briefly on the telephone on Sunday. She said she didn't have a good night and she told me that she had to get off the phone. That was the last time I spoke to her. I arrived at 930 pm on the 22nd. Tina, Bill, Luanna, and my grandmother were there.
She was just a skeleton of her former self. Her cheeks were sunken. Her eyes were closed and she was making a rattly breathing sound. It was horrible. I spent some time with her and talked to her. There was no indication she could hear me, but I wanted to just talk. The kids told her they love her over the phone. Her breathing got slower over the next few hours. It got more rattly. We tried to help her be comfortable by shifting her around and she yelled out a few times. Then, the pauses between her breathing got very long. She opened her eyes. I got close to her and told her I love her. A tear rolled from her eye. She stopped breathing.
Good bye mom. You are loved and we miss you already.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Last breaths...
Tonight might be the last night for my mom. Her breathing has gotten rattley. She hasn't been conscious for some time. I am so grateful that she was able to stay alive until I arrived---just a few hours ago. She is very peaceful right now, though. She was restless and agitated last night--in so much pain. But right now she is still and calm.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Time for another update...
This is Jessi, Valerie's daughter, again.
I know my mom has a lot of people out there who care about her and want to know how she is doing. I am in England, so I don't always have the most up to date info, but here is what I know...
The latest round of chemo seems to be slowing the progression of her cancer. Her cancer numbers are above 300, but only raised 30 points last time. Unfortunately, this is a very agressive chemo and it makes her so sick. She panics when she starts the chemo and the panic attacks just became too much to bear. So, last week she decided not to do chemo, at least for now. Since then, she has been feeling much better. She is reconsidering another round of chemo now that she is feeling healthier.
Despite the slowing of the cancer numbers, the doctors don't expect that it is going to extend her life. I feel sick when I say it, but she has weeks to months left. In January they told her 3-6 months. We are at the 3 month mark, so every day counts at this point. Cancer is such a horrible disease. I'm not sure why people have to suffer so much.
I have heard through others that she isn't always kind when some of you call. I know she wants to know people care, but she is scared and angry and she doesn't know how to behave. I really encourage you to keep calling and continue to visit her. Just let her talk and be there for her. If you want to talk to Tina and see how she is doing, post a comment to this blog and I will email you personally with the phone number.
Thanks for your thoughts, I know you mean a lot to her.
I know my mom has a lot of people out there who care about her and want to know how she is doing. I am in England, so I don't always have the most up to date info, but here is what I know...
The latest round of chemo seems to be slowing the progression of her cancer. Her cancer numbers are above 300, but only raised 30 points last time. Unfortunately, this is a very agressive chemo and it makes her so sick. She panics when she starts the chemo and the panic attacks just became too much to bear. So, last week she decided not to do chemo, at least for now. Since then, she has been feeling much better. She is reconsidering another round of chemo now that she is feeling healthier.
Despite the slowing of the cancer numbers, the doctors don't expect that it is going to extend her life. I feel sick when I say it, but she has weeks to months left. In January they told her 3-6 months. We are at the 3 month mark, so every day counts at this point. Cancer is such a horrible disease. I'm not sure why people have to suffer so much.
I have heard through others that she isn't always kind when some of you call. I know she wants to know people care, but she is scared and angry and she doesn't know how to behave. I really encourage you to keep calling and continue to visit her. Just let her talk and be there for her. If you want to talk to Tina and see how she is doing, post a comment to this blog and I will email you personally with the phone number.
Thanks for your thoughts, I know you mean a lot to her.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Time for an update...
This is not Valerie writing, it is Jessi, her daughter.
My mom doesn't have internet access for the moment, so she asked me to make a post. As of Monday, she is back in Utah. She felt good enough to make the drive with Linda (Thanks Linda!) so they left San Diego and made the 14 hour drive to Utah. Her spirits are good, but her health is not great. The cancer wasn't responding well to the most recent round of chemotherapy. She decided she should come back to Utah because that is where most of her siblings live and they can help with anything she needs. She continued to think she would go back to work up until a few weeks ago, but she has too much pain right now. Yesterday she went to the Cancer Wellness House for support and resources. She constantly has fluid building up in her abdomen and less often in her lungs. This is painful for her. She stopped by the University hospital yesterday to see if they could drain the fluid and they decided to keep her over night. Her blood is thin and she is very weak, so it is too risky to try to drain any fluid right now. She is currently awaiting a visit from the oncologist at the hospital. Keep your fingers crossed that they have some new ideas for treatment and pain management! I know she would appreciate hearing from her friends right now. She is in pain and scared, but still manages to laugh and she sounds just like her old self on the phone.
I will try to get her some internet access at home, but in the mean time I will relay any messages to her, so feel free to comment here or call her. If you need her #, let me know and I will email it to you!
My mom doesn't have internet access for the moment, so she asked me to make a post. As of Monday, she is back in Utah. She felt good enough to make the drive with Linda (Thanks Linda!) so they left San Diego and made the 14 hour drive to Utah. Her spirits are good, but her health is not great. The cancer wasn't responding well to the most recent round of chemotherapy. She decided she should come back to Utah because that is where most of her siblings live and they can help with anything she needs. She continued to think she would go back to work up until a few weeks ago, but she has too much pain right now. Yesterday she went to the Cancer Wellness House for support and resources. She constantly has fluid building up in her abdomen and less often in her lungs. This is painful for her. She stopped by the University hospital yesterday to see if they could drain the fluid and they decided to keep her over night. Her blood is thin and she is very weak, so it is too risky to try to drain any fluid right now. She is currently awaiting a visit from the oncologist at the hospital. Keep your fingers crossed that they have some new ideas for treatment and pain management! I know she would appreciate hearing from her friends right now. She is in pain and scared, but still manages to laugh and she sounds just like her old self on the phone.
I will try to get her some internet access at home, but in the mean time I will relay any messages to her, so feel free to comment here or call her. If you need her #, let me know and I will email it to you!
Monday, December 20, 2010
rain rain rain
I love the rain! It has been raining here non stop for at least 4 days. It looks and smells so clean. I love kickin back with a cup of coffee and just watching it rain. Good time to think about my life. And that's all I have to say about that!
I have 2 new reactions to this new chemo drug. First, I have no appetite because I know that when I eat my stomach hurts and I can't keep it down. This is not good because I need to keep my calories up so I will be strong to fight the cancer. I may go back to protein drinks and anti-nausea pills. The next thing is insomnia. I just lay there at night and "Think about my life". There are those words again. I am trying to focus on the present, taking it day by day. Things are good, I have my family and friends. I couldn't adore my grandchildren more! All in all, life is good. Everyone here is decorating the Christmas tree. The kids here, Thais and Tiago, are so excited. I watch them and I just have to smile. The things they say and do are great, funny and sometimes shocking. They hold nothing back and say what they mean. It is great.
I received a package from London today. It was August's school picture. She looks so grown up. There is also a picture of Jessica, Christian, Augi and Emmett. They all look great. The Christmas card has a drawing of an angel drawn by August. She is quite the artist. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, really! I love those guys!!
I saw a genetics counselor Friday. He took saliva samples from me to get my genes tested. It should take about 2 weeks to get the results. I am doing this mainly for my daughter. If I have the gene for ovarian cancer then she can be tested. It can be helpful for my sisters also, if they want it to be. I may be able to give them some helpful information if they choose to pursue it farther. I talked with him for about an hour. We went over my family tree, as far as I could remember. He also talked about the risks of having this done. Its mainly concerning medical insurance and life insurance and the inability to get it once my results are on file. Marcos, the geneticist, said it was "like finding the needle in the haystack." He was very nice and I enjoyed our visit. I will see him on January 5th to go over the results and discuss where to go from here. I am not sure what that means but I am sure he will tell me.It should be interesting. I sincerely hope that this cancer is just a mutated gene on its own. We will see.
I want to express my thanks to all of you for your support this last year. Just talking and laughing with each one of you has helped me through this, both emotionally and physically. Each and every one of you are my heros. May you all have a fantastic christmas as well a fabulous 2011!!
I have 2 new reactions to this new chemo drug. First, I have no appetite because I know that when I eat my stomach hurts and I can't keep it down. This is not good because I need to keep my calories up so I will be strong to fight the cancer. I may go back to protein drinks and anti-nausea pills. The next thing is insomnia. I just lay there at night and "Think about my life". There are those words again. I am trying to focus on the present, taking it day by day. Things are good, I have my family and friends. I couldn't adore my grandchildren more! All in all, life is good. Everyone here is decorating the Christmas tree. The kids here, Thais and Tiago, are so excited. I watch them and I just have to smile. The things they say and do are great, funny and sometimes shocking. They hold nothing back and say what they mean. It is great.
I received a package from London today. It was August's school picture. She looks so grown up. There is also a picture of Jessica, Christian, Augi and Emmett. They all look great. The Christmas card has a drawing of an angel drawn by August. She is quite the artist. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, really! I love those guys!!
I saw a genetics counselor Friday. He took saliva samples from me to get my genes tested. It should take about 2 weeks to get the results. I am doing this mainly for my daughter. If I have the gene for ovarian cancer then she can be tested. It can be helpful for my sisters also, if they want it to be. I may be able to give them some helpful information if they choose to pursue it farther. I talked with him for about an hour. We went over my family tree, as far as I could remember. He also talked about the risks of having this done. Its mainly concerning medical insurance and life insurance and the inability to get it once my results are on file. Marcos, the geneticist, said it was "like finding the needle in the haystack." He was very nice and I enjoyed our visit. I will see him on January 5th to go over the results and discuss where to go from here. I am not sure what that means but I am sure he will tell me.It should be interesting. I sincerely hope that this cancer is just a mutated gene on its own. We will see.
I want to express my thanks to all of you for your support this last year. Just talking and laughing with each one of you has helped me through this, both emotionally and physically. Each and every one of you are my heros. May you all have a fantastic christmas as well a fabulous 2011!!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
chemo day
I had my chemo session on Tuesday and it went very well. The drug they are giving me is Doxel. It is suppose to effect my skin. I have 2 pages of things not to do in the first few days after treatment like no hot drinks, no tight fitting clothing, no leaning on my elbows, and my hands and feet are going to get rashes and blisters... what fun!!! Anyway so far so good. I was very wired after my session and then very tired. I have done nothing for 2 days but sleep. I am feeling much better tonite. I have an appointment with a genetic doctor tomorrow. I am going to find out if I have the gene for ovarian cancer. This is mainly for Jessica. If I do have the gene she can have hers tested, should be interesting. Still waiting on Home Depot to transfer me from SL to SD. They are really dragging thier feet on this. Ill call tomorrow again. Maybe I will go down there tomorrow after my appointment. Good Idea.
I talked to my grandchildren today. August has the cutest english accent and Emmett is talking so good. I miss them very much. I sent them "The Night Before Christmas" book. It was one of those that you record your voice reading. They seemed to enjoy it. It was good to talk to my daughter. I miss her very much too.
I want to wish all of you a "Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year." I am so thankful for all my family and friends. If not for you guys being there for me through this, I don't know what I would do! I know, I am getting kinda muushy, but I am very sincere when I say this.
I talked to my grandchildren today. August has the cutest english accent and Emmett is talking so good. I miss them very much. I sent them "The Night Before Christmas" book. It was one of those that you record your voice reading. They seemed to enjoy it. It was good to talk to my daughter. I miss her very much too.
I want to wish all of you a "Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year." I am so thankful for all my family and friends. If not for you guys being there for me through this, I don't know what I would do! I know, I am getting kinda muushy, but I am very sincere when I say this.
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